One Last Nightmare Chapter 6

Let's Pretend

Have you ever had to sit still, act casual and basically ignore the fact  there are raging voices in your head? It's not the most pleasant experience in the world. Even the voice that gives encouragement and comfort startles me and makes me jump every time I hear it. It gets difficult trying to maintain my composure, especially when I'm around people and I have threats and/or advice randomly appearing as unfamiliar voices swimming through my brain. It's not even like a frightening voice or thought that I conjure up every so often. They are legit voices booming so loudly, I often look around to see if other people can hear them too.

It's not like it has just started. To be perfectly honest, they've been around for ages. I guess I ignored them but back then they were easier to ignore. I always thought it was my own guilt causing these hallucinations and I figured it would have all fizzled out in time. My guilt has subsided, but the inner demons have only raged on and there seems to be no end in sight just yet. And the thing is, the worse it's becoming, the harder it is to hide.

Take the other night for instance when I was sitting with my parents and my sister who was visiting. I remember being suddenly sucked into an intense flashback. Back to when I was in that abandoned place with Yuna, standing with Jeff and watching her burn in those flames. Remembering that smile I had and that small, sick feeling of amusement as I saw her die. It was so real, as if I were watching it all happen right in front of my eyes there and then, in the middle of my own living room. It apparently took several attempts before my family finally managed to snap me out of my deep daydream.

"Are you okay, Laura?"

"Is something wrong? You look scared."

"And you're really pale."

3 concerned faces peering at me, inspecting me closely. I can usually hide my emotions well but I know I must have looked really shaken up. But of course I could never tell them what was going on so with a brave face I smiled and insisted everything was okay. I know they didn't fully believe me.

I don't know about my sister as she doesn't live with us, but I know my parents have an idea something is up with me. Obviously they have zero clue about what has happened the past couple of years. What I've got involved with, who's lives have ended, the scary situations I've been in. (At least I HOPE they don't know.) But they must know and have seen how much I have changed. I know I've changed. Since meeting Jeff and the crazy adventures we've been on, I'm a completely different person to what I was like before all of that. I have always wondered what would happen if my family did know everything. Of course they probably wouldn't believe me at first, or at all, but if they did and even went as far as to meeting Jeff face to face, I wonder how it would go.

Ha. I doubt it would be one of the most pleasant of experiences anyway. We'd either all end up dead or in prison. Or a mental asylum the way I'm going.

No, no. I'm not crazy. I mean I'm not insane, especially nothing like Jeff. Though looking at what I'm currently going through right now. The voices, the hallucinations. All of that is probably nothing compared to what goes on in Jeff's mind. I'd love to know exactly what goes on in it sometimes. He's used to the insanity though. I'm not. Well, as I said, I'm not insane, but obviously what's going on isn't normal and it's already scary enough. It can't get any worse though, right? It can't get scarier. I'm used to nightmares, even the most grotesque, violent, realistic ones. Those are nothing to me nowadays.

But my worry now is my parents. I said before, they have an idea something is up. They may not say anything to me yet about it but I know they'll be observing me closely and muttering to each other about me. I'll need to try and keep all of this at bay and try and keep myself as lively and ordinary as I can. Whenever I hear a voice, block it out. Whenever I see something disturbing, look in the opposite direction. Anything that won't look suspicious. I can try and act like nothing is wrong. I can pretend to myself, my parents and to the world that everything is okay.

But for how long?