The Bloody End Chapter 49

No Doubt

I know he won't show up in my room tonight. I wouldn't be surprised if he did what I did, just go home, well "home", and rest. But I can't help but just lay here restless in bed. My adrenaline is still pumping and I still keep replaying all that went on inside my head. Its been one Hell of an eventful night.

I'm completely surprised my parents didn't flip their shit and go crazy  the moment I walked in the front door. Turns out it actually wasn't as late as I thought it was, although she was pissed off that I didn't respond to her texts and looked suspicious at the fact I had dirt on my clothes, despite my best efforts to tidy myself up before walking home. I just made out I was at Leah's again and we were mucking around and that's why my phone smashed. She still looked a tiny bit suspicious but then nagged about the fact we were 20 year old "women" and not 5 year old little girls and we shouldn't be "playing about" in mud. For the first time in my life, I was actually glad to be hearing her nag rather than fuss or yell and especially cry. I just laughed sheepishly, agreed and went to bed.

My window is open for him of course and I jump at every sound outside, thinking it's him making his way in. I do want to see him but I don't want to either. I have to give him that letter. I can't hide it from him any longer. It's his. I know he killed Liu but, like I've thought before, a part of me thinks he maybe regrets it a little. Maybe it was just a heat of the moment thing, or, as I said once, maybe he did it to protect Liu in a crazy way. Or perhaps it was that dark, dark side of him he mentioned before. The one he struggles to control. Yes he is a dark person himself and, not exactly an angel. Fuck, he's an evil, messed up, twisted, serial killer who's totally insane.

And I'm still alive, after knowing him for so long now.

God, it's weird to think how long ago that was. It's strange and, kind of twisted, thinking about everything we've been through ever since that evening at work when I accidentally caught him hiding on the balcony. The research on him. The dreams. The first confrontation. The evening visits. Yuna. The old house. The bar. The Police. Becky. Dominic. Natalie. Leah. Catherine. Gary. Derek. Glenda. Nearly falling to my death, for God sake. Has it all been worth it?

Of course it has.

But imagine if I never saw him that night at work. Imagine if I didn't look up there at that moment and saw him, and he never saw me. What would my life be like right now? Would I be living a normal, boring life? Yuna would still be alive and would probably have never went batshit crazy. I'd never have been forced to leave work the first time. Natalie would likely still be alive and still be Manager. I'd never have met Becky, Catherine, Derek or Dom. I imagine I'd have been dating Gary, if he was employed. But I also wonder... I can't help but shiver at the thought, but if I never met Jeff, would I have likely been a victim? If he came across me walking home alone one evening, would he have slaughtered me? No. Maybe. I don't know.

Oh what's the point thinking about that now? He hasn't killed me. Yes, there's been times where he almost did, but he didn't do it, did he? He always stopped himself. He saved my life a few hours ago. Even when I told him to stop. Even when I told him to let me go and save himself, he never gave up on me. And that makes my heart race just thinking about that...

"Ahem"

"Jesus!"

And that just made my heart about stop!

Jeff, leaning against my wall and staring at me with his wide eyes in an amused way, chuckles softly.

"Not quite."

"Where the hell did you come from? I didn't even hear you come in."

"Oh please, don't let me interrupt your daydreaming or seizure or whatever it is you were doing."

I sigh but can't help smile, sitting up properly on my bed.

"I didn't think you'd be here tonight."

"And why ever not? The night is still young."

"Just...after everything that's happened."

"My dear, compared to the shit I've seen/been through/caused, that today was nothing."

"Suppose you have a point..."

"No rest for the wicked. Or the insane."

"Yeah..."

I can't help but just stare at him. In amazement more than anything. How he can just move on from earlier's events like that, not care or think twice about any of it. I know he'll be used to it all but even so. What happened with Yuna still gives me nightmares for God sake and that feels like it was years ago. I guess I should be more like that. Maybe I have to stop holding on to the past and just let it go. Seems the easiest way to live.

I slowly put my hand under my pillow, touching the crumpled letter I put under there. I don't know if Jeff can see it, or hear the rustling of the paper but he doesn't quiz me on it. He just stares at my face mostly, making me blush slightly. The silence is a bit awkward but Jeff is standing up properly now, sauntering casually over to the window, so I know it's a short and sweet visit before he goes out doing his thing. Maybe if I just wait...

No. No more waiting. I'm doing this now.

"Hey, Jeff?"

It's now or never.

"Hm?", Jeff says, turning his head to look at me.

I get off my bed, holding the piece of paper in my hand. He's spotted it so no going back now. You wanted me to do it, Liu. I trust you know it'll be okay.

"This is....yours."

I hold the letter out to him. He doesn't take it and just stares at it blankly. I swallow the lump in my throat and just say it.

"I know this is going to sound crazy and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't believe me. But going back when Yuna...well, you know. When she knocked me out, I was in a place that, I don't know, was the afterlife but not exactly. I wasn't dead or dying, obviously. Maybe it was purgatory. Oh I don't know, the point is, when I was there I was in your house. I mean your real house, your family home and I met...Liu."

Jeff just stares blankly still, though I swear I saw his eyes slightly widen when I mention Liu.

"Your brother", I continue on. "He was the one that actually encouraged me to save you from Yuna. He told me if I walked away you'd both have died and I couldn't let that happen. He said I had to make a choice and- oh forget it, that's not important. What's important is this."

I nod at the paper and Jeff looks at it then looks towards me, still looking blank and now slightly confused. No wonder, I'm talking nearly 90 miles an hour and rambling about the bloody afterlife and dreams.

"The paper?"

"It's a letter, Jeff. For you. From....from Liu."

This time Jeff does look more interested.

"I don't know how the heck he did it, but he did. He gave me this to give to you."

Jeff slowly takes the letter out of my hand.

"It's not me pulling a sick joke. It's not some kind of mistake. It's real."

Jeff opens the letter and I see his unblinking eyes dart backwards and forwards, skimming through it, while I watch him, holding my breath. Waiting. Waiting for his eyes to darken. Waiting for his fists to clench. Waiting for him to scream in rage, pull out his knife from his pocket and slash my throat.

But no.

When he gets to the end of the letter, I swear, for a single moment, I see him look...lost. Like an innocent, lost little boy. He swallows a lump in his throat the way I did, although he's more discreet about it. I hold my breath still, backing up a bit, staying silent. It's a chilling silence. I can actually hear my heart beating. Or maybe it's his. Who knows.

Jeff holds the letter for a minute or two. His eyes just stare and he looks almost like he's concentrating or thinking hard about something. I find myself tilting my head a bit, in a similar manner to what he does actually, to get a closer look at his expression. However, when he seems to notice I'm staring at him he rather quickly shakes his head a bit, holds the letter in front of him and....rips it to pieces!

I actually jump a little, blinking in surprise. In my mind I had him have a break down and kill me, my family, my neighbours. Instead he just tore the letter to shreds, back to looking blank and almost bored! I watch as he, rather rudely, drops the torn pieces of paper on to my floor and he looks me in the eyes, shrugs and smiles slightly.

"The past is in the past. That's where it belongs and that's where it will stay."

I can't help but smile at him, his bravery, his attitude towards life in general. I love it.

"Couldn't agree more."

I love him. But that's no secret.

He smiles wider and turns back to the window, starting to climb out of it. I walk over, watching him go.

"So I imagine I'll be seeing you again", I say softly.

He stops his climbing and looks round to face me. As he stares at me, I notice he tilts his head slightly, and has that seemingly questioning expression on his face when he stares into my eyes. I stare back,  my eyes completely locked on his. I can't tear them away. I feel my heart beating fast, butterflies flying about my tummy. Then, very unexpectedly for Jeff, he reaches out with his hand, the other keeping a tight grip of the window ledge of course, and rests the palm of his hand on my cheek. My cheeks burn of course, and I almost feel my eyes well up. But I allow myself to soften and just adore his touch. I just gaze at him. His black rimmed eyes. His long carved smile. His ghostly white face. His long dark hair. His blood/dirt stained hoodie. His rough hands.

And his voice.

"Without a doubt."

I love it all.

He smirks at me. I smile back and then he's off, out of the window, down the drain pipe and sprints off into the night. I watch him go, not able to wipe the smile from my lips, even after he's long gone.  I give a large happy sigh, close the window and climb into bed, staring at the ceiling.

So I was wrong. Giving him that letter was the right thing to do after all. He didn't get upset or angry. He actually seemed slightly...happier. Letting the past remain dead and buried is the right attitude to have and it also explains a lot of things. And it just makes me love him even more.

"Thanks Liu", I whisper.

And with that, I curl up under the covers, close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

Still smiling.